that's just my baby daddy...

The big One came over to watch the lil' One, while i was in class. He left to catch the bus home, and me, feeling sorry, drove him home. We talked civilly as I drove, and I wished him goodnight.

I don't know how to feel about him, now. To me it's really strange to have onced loved him, worshipped the ground he walked on, and then now, barely want to spend more than 15 minutes with him. We had a child together, which means we're bound for life, just like a marriage. At one point, I thought he was 'The One".

But he abused me, in many different ways - physically, emotionally, mentally. We went from loving each other -> him sneaking & cheating behind my back -> him sleeping with everything that moved ->him abusing me -> him taking financial advantage of me ->me forcing him to leave. Funny, even towards the end, he never saw it coming. Subconbciously, he still thinks that we're soulmates, and will get back together. He tells me that occasionally. It makes me sad.

What is sadder, is that I came up, and he didn't.I got a better job, and he's moved from job-2-job, house-2-house, relationship-2-relationship. I moved into a bigger/better apartment, and he's got that 'grown-man' syndrome, and lives with family members, not on his own. I went back to school, and began pursuing my degree. He never finished high-school, and spent some time in jail. I forgave him, and he's got a couple of court cases pending: domestic violence & battery (not against me, it's been 5 years since he left).

Even sadder...he doesn't pay child support, and is wishy-washy about visitation. When he has time (after work, chilling after work, football games and women) he'll make time for the lil' One. I could hate him for this, most of all. But that wastes my energy.

On the way home, as he talked about his new 'gig', and the amount of $$ he'll be making, and what he'll do with it when he gets it, I thought a lot. "How does it feel to be one-upped by your ex-girlfriend/fiance?" "Does it threaten his manhood that I make >2X what he has ever made in his life?" (Not including OT that is). "Does he feel bad that as well as being the mama & daddy that he can't/will never be, that I also provide his son with a lifestyle that he may not ever achieve?" I felt bad thinking this, because I don't want to be smug about the blessings I've received. But still, how does that feel?